How Hypnotherapy Helped me Break Free from Body Shaming & Self Harm

I can remember feeling self-conscious about my body, size, and shape as early as my adolescent years. Nobody prepares you for the physical and hormonal changes your body goes through during those sensitive years…. At least not with the emotional support that most teens need when they go from one stage to another in their development.

Looking back now, the information I received as a teen who was anticipating this dramatic and scary change was nothing close to what I needed to know. Sure, they tell you your body will change, you’ll have a monthly cycle, and you may have some strong emotions that come along with that…. but, the typical education and information at that time failed to address how those changes affect our self-esteem and confidence. I would argue that going through puberty is a huge identity crisis that shapes the trajectory and outlook we have on ourselves for the rest of our lives.

Despite its drastic impact on our overall well-being, this isn’t the first time our development support are critical. The first seven years of our lives are considered the most important years because 90% of the brain is said to be developed. Experts say that our core cognitive beliefs are created during these years that lay the foundation for future learning, health, and life success.

We also enter into formal or informal educational systems around that same time. These expose us to a new set of rules, personalities, structures, and information that we may not have experienced in our home life. Needless to say, we are relying on the reactions and actions of our parents, peers, siblings, and teachers to shape our thoughts and views on the world.

Experiences in these early years of life set the stage for our future selves. Whether it is a teacher criticizing our mistake, or a friend excluding us from the game, these experiences can feel traumatic to our young brains. Because we don’t have emotional awareness or communication skills yet, we don’t understand why people did what they did or said what they said. Instead, we internalize this experience and develop a negative perception of ourselves in these situations.

Even simple things can stick with us. Our parents' comments or reactions after a “bad” grade can traumatize us. We don’t have to experience a life alternating event or massive change to carry trauma wounds from our childhood. Many psychologists and trauma-informed practitioners understand that trauma is an emotional response that occurs from living through a distressful event.

And while we can experience trauma at any point in our life, those younger years are extremely vulnerable and sensitive….. especially in those highly charged, hormonal, and emotional teenage years.

It’s the little things

For the most part, I would consider my younger years “typical.” No big traumatic events, no divorces, no major deaths or losses. I had a stable country home growing up…. A working father and stay-at-home mom. Cooked meals several nights a week, with no big rules or extreme demands. From the outside, I lived a normal life.

But, around my teen years, I started to become very conscious of my body. Partly because of the anticipated changes that were grumbled about in the girl’s bathroom and health class, but also the subtle comments people would make about their observations….

At that time, I didn’t realize that those little comments like “those pants look too tight on you” or “oh wow, you’re developing into a woman” would be so devastating to my self-esteem. I didn’t realize that these innocent remarks were leaving imprints on my subconscious that would lead to self-destructive behaviors and patterns.

In addition, my elementary years were spent in a private catholic school where our nun and teachers rebuked any erroneous actions which reinforced strict discipline and order as our standards. It was the little things coupled with the high standards of my external world that pushed my sensitive personality into seeking perfectionism with my body.

The Subconscious Mind and Destructive Habits

During my twenties, I had become very focused on my physical health. I became a personal trainer, worked out 6 days a week, counted every calorie, and held high physical standards for myself. At that time, I was convinced that fitness was my passion. I thought my self-discipline to follow a meal plan and intense fitness routine was admirable and inspiring to others. Little did I realize that this obsession with fitness was an unhealthy coping mechanism for control and perfection.

Throughout this stage of my life, I developed an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, orthorexia, and other self-abusive behaviors. From a cognitive level, I knew what I was doing. I was well educated and aware of the damage I was doing to my body with over-exercising, under-eating, body shaming, and avoiding confrontations. But no matter how much I knew, I couldn’t break away from the addiction and cycles of restrictive eating and extreme behaviors.

During that period of my life, I made multiple attempts to get to the bottom of it all. I was tired of letting these thoughts of “not being good enough, trying to prove myself, keeping myself small” rule my life. I was tired of feeling trapped and stuck into the vicious cycles of an eating disorder. And so, I tried several things to soothe my racing mind and build up my self-esteem.

1. Talk Therapy or Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I sought out therapy where I can talk openly about my thoughts and feelings. While this form of therapy is robust, finding a good therapist is key. For me, I had to try a few different therapists out before I found someone whom I trust and felt safe to talk with about things I had going on. Keep in mind that searching for the right therapist may take some time and can be an exhausting and frustrating journey. I would suggest doing some research or inquiry about the types of support you need to help you find the right therapist.

2) Yoga and Meditation. A big part of my self-love, confidence, and wellness journey has been yoga and meditation. Yoga entered my life when I was heavy into fitness as a “restorative” exercise I could add to my workout split. Over time, I became interested in yoga and its philosophy. Soon, yoga was a part of my daily routine to calm my mind and relax my body. Yoga has challenged me to slow down and listen to my body. While there are several types of yoga, I find that a combination of vinyasa and yin yoga help bring more balance into my life.

3) Positive Self Talk and Affirmations. We are our own worst critics. Now in some situations, that tough love we give ourselves is necessary. But in others, our inner critic and judgment can be devastating to our self-esteem. I have found that changing criticism into compliments or encouragement overrides negative self-talk so that I can truly see and praise my gifts. These words of affirmation are a way to express love and kindness to ourselves. I do this in the mirror and give myself genuine compliments on my body that I am self-conscious about to make me more comfortable and confident with what I look like.

4) Journaling and Self Reflection. I have always kept a diary or a journal ever since I was little. Back then I didn’t know how helpful it is to write out my thoughts and emotions on paper to put words to what I was feeling. Now, I journal in several different formats. Some examples are gratitude journaling, self-reflection journaling, goal setting, love letters, stream-of-conscious journaling, and bullet-pointed to-do lists. The act of writing forces us to slow down our thoughts and experiences so that we can focus on one thing at a time. Journaling has been a free form of therapy for me and a big part of my self-awareness and healing journey.

5) Somatic and Body work. Somatic and bodywork cover a wide range of tools and modalities. More the most part, these practices use techniques to release trauma and stress that gets built up and stored in the body. Things like dance, breath work, massage, visualization, energy work, and tapping are all forms of somatic work. Some of these techniques can be very powerful and require a qualified practitioner to assist in the process of emotional release and support. Less intense and specialized techniques can be practiced on your own for just a shift in your emotional state. For me, dancing, massage, and breathwork are a few of my favorite somatic practices that help shake out some stuck energy.

6) Shadow and Trauma Work. Similar to somatic work, there are several different types of shadow and trauma work. Some would consider plant medicine shadow work which may range from intense substances like psilocybin, cannabis or CBD, ayahuasca, cacao, and peyote to mild plants like ginkgo, ginger, kava, evening primrose oil, and ashwagandha. While these plants can provide powerful healing effects to the body, they can also be toxic and dangerous if not used safely and intentionally. In addition to plant medicine, other rituals and shamanic practices can be considered shadow work because they reveal the darkness in the mind and body that may be contributing to unwanted behaviors and beliefs. To some extent, the preceding techniques could also fall under this category for their potential to show us sides of ourselves that need light and love.

Despite implementing these methods, I was still struggling with self-destructive and disordered behaviors from time to time. And I wondered what I needed to do to break free from this for good.

Getting to the Root Cause and Finding Freedom

Out of the variety of modalities I did, I never tried hypnotherapy before. But, I was open to it. Contrary to popular belief, hypnotherapy isn’t a stage act or magic. Nor does it put you in a trance with a pendulum or spiral swirl to do something outside of your will.

Rather, hypnotherapy is a clinical and therapeutic treatment that accesses the subconscious part of your brain. It helps people switch their brains from a conscious, active mind to a calm and relaxed mind. In this state, the mind becomes disconnected from interpersonal judgments, fears, and perceptions and more open and aware. Research suggests that hypnotherapy is an effective psychological therapy that can be used to treat pain, post-traumatic stress disorder, insomnia, anxiety, and depression.

While there is growing evidence of its efficacy, hypnotherapy is a specialized type of therapy led by a certified hypnotherapist with formal training. The hypnotherapist works with you to guide you into a trance-like state so that you become more open to change. They use a tone of their voice, specialized scripts, and intuitive prompts to lead you to discover the root cause of your issue or behavior. Then, they work with you to release the attachments, emotions, or trauma you have from the root cause. For someone on a healing journey, hypnotherapy is an alternative modality that can lead to profound changes in your life.

I first heard about hypnotherapy and experienced a “teaser” session in a group retreat I attended a few years ago. From what I remember, it was a unique, yet brief experience. So, I was interested in the mechanics of it but never sought it out for personalized work.

However, one of my trusted colleagues was training to become a hypnotherapist. She asked me if I was willing to be a volunteer so she could practice and meet her certification hours. Of course, I said yes.

What to Expect with Hypnotherapy

I went into my first session with an open mind. I knew there were things I wanted to work on and work through, but I had no idea where to start. I met with Victoria and we talked for the first 30-45 minutes about the process, a belief or behavior I wanted to change, and what to expect.

Vikki explained that her hypnotherapy session is a holistic healing journey that accesses the root cause of our pain and suffering. Hypnotherapy is an interactive practice that involves the practitioner and the client as they move through a conversation that reveals the root cause you are facing. Together, the practitioner and client work through past experiences that are linked to suffering.

Victoria says her work is a therapeutic tool that goes deep past the conscious mind to access parts of us that get lost as we move through life experiences. These can be anything from moments in our childhood to past lives, and into our ancestral lineage.

A hypnotherapy session gives you healing and answers for why you behave how you behave, or why you get stuck in vicious cycles or trapped in unwanted situations.

Because of its depth and intensity, a hypnotherapy session is three hours long. Its effects can be immediate or slowly surface and integrate over the course of 2 weeks to months.

My experience

I had three sessions with Victoria over the course of two months. In the first session, I wanted to work on this feeling of overwhelm and confusion I had about “life.” I can’t tell you exactly what I said during the session, but I cried a lot. I moved so much stuck and stagnant energy that the rest of the day I developed a migraine. Despite the headache, I could tell something inside me shifted.

In my next session, I focused on confidence and the fear of putting myself out there. This session was a lot of light, with less crying. But, it went just as deep. Over the next few weeks, I felt more confident in myself and less worried about what other people thought of me.

In the final session, I wanted to work on this feeling of not being good enough. Victoria and I worked through parts of my childhood where I felt misunderstood, abandoned, and unwanted. This session was enlightening to me because it revealed parts of my past that were blocking me from achieving freedom…. Specifically with my body and my image.

While each of these experiences was very different, they worked together to peel back the layers of fear, trauma, and shame that were fueling my eating disorder and poor self-esteem.

Now having experienced these sessions, I can confidently say that hypnotherapy has been the key to breaking through the limiting beliefs that keep me stuck in a vicious cycle of body and behavior shaming for over a decade.

For anyone interested in hypnotherapy, I would suggest that you be open-minded and willing to go deep and be honest with yourself. It is a very powerful therapeutic intervention that can be essential to a healing journey.

I am excited to observe myself as I continue to experience and integrate the benefits of these sessions into my life. With that being said, I am feeling the best I ever have about myself, my body, and my behaviors around food and exercise. And I am excited to keep going.

If you are interested in learning more about how hypnotherapy can help you, you can reach out to Victoria to ask questions or schedule a session. She can be emailed at Victoria.skerlanitz@gmail.com or contacted through instagram at @victoria_hypnotherapy.

To learn more about these experiences and unique methods of healing, health, and wellness, make sure you join my free Moments & Musings Newsletter for weekly inspiration.

And if you want to hear about another powerful experience I had, check out what happened to me during a breathwork class!