My Spontaneous Trip to Spain and the Clarity I Needed to Let Go and Move On

I was walking into work on Friday, the 13th when I got the text….. “so do you want to pull the trigger on this thing?” My heart jumped. We had been talking about me visiting him in Spain for a few weeks now, but the chance of it actually happening didn’t seem possible.

It was 1 year ago when we separated, rather when a little misunderstanding between us turned my whole world upside down. I learned to cope with the feelings of betrayal and abandonment and slowly, I began to move forward and on with my life.

But, there was still questions left unanswered and thoughts I couldn’t let go about him. And as much as my life had continued to move forward, there was still a part of me that wondered, that wished he would come back for me and truly be the man I wanted him to be.

So, when we reconnected through texting a few months back, I knew there was something for here for me to explore. Maybe there was something still between us that would grow and develop into a lasting bond. Or maybe there was something here, a lesson for me to learn about love and loss.

I was open to the idea of it all. But, knowing the pain and the suffering I had endured from our initial separation, I was not about to make any big decisions or commitments.

Until he asked me to come to Spain…..

I contemplated the idea, talked it out with a few of my close friends, and after considering the arrangements with my work schedule, I decided this was something I needed to do.

I needed to see him again. I needed to feel back into the energy between us and reassess how I feel when I am with him.

I knew I needed this to get clarity and, ultimately closure on the relationship. With the way things ended before, with how distraught and confused I was left, I felt this was an opportunity for me to finally make peace with everything.

Plus, how could I turn down a trip to Spain??

So, two weeks after that text, I was boarding the plane to see him. I had mixed thoughts and feelings at this point…. it was a rush of excitement and fear. I was finally going to see him. I went over all the scenarios in my head and still felt whatever happens, I’m going to get answers.

And that is exactly what happened….. after spending a few days together, it was evident that things between us had diminished. It seemed that we both were moving in different directions, on different paths, and that was OK. I felt a little sad about it not being “best case scenario” but in reality, it was the best case scenario. Me going there, getting the clarity, accepting our differences, and giving myself the permission to move on was the ultimate best case scenario.

So, now…. it’s a few days into my trip and I decide I’m going to make the best of it.

I book myself a bed in a dorm style hostel, pack my bags, and head out to enjoy the reminder of my trip exploring the city of Malaga.

And within minutes of getting to the hostel, I had met two other solo travelers who invited me to sight see and go out with them. We walked around the city, talked about our lives, relationships, and aspirations, and drank local wine and had tasty tapas. I had such a great time "doing my own thing” that the desired love affair seemed minor…. in fact, it seemed silly.

I feel in love with the city, walking around, sight seeing, and indulging in the local cuisine. It was almost so perfectly orchestrated from, and it was exactly what was supposed to happen for me to finally cut the cord from him and experience such liberation in a new, vibrant city.

I imagined this feeling more like a let down when it didn’t feel the same with him, but there was a sense of me that was already prepared for things to be different. And, while they were different, there were aspects of the relationship that stayed the same, aspects that I had overlooked or neglected before, or dimmed down to let the good parts over shine the rough areas.

So, when I was back in that energy after a year of healing, those things were much more clear, obvious, and challenging to overlook. That made it easy for me to accept the end of our chapter, the end of wondering, and able to move forward for good.

I know this experience was meant to happen, and I know this experience was meant to widen my perspective…. not just of relationships and love, but of self love and acceptance as well. I am happy for trusting myself in taking a risk to revisit this option and ultimately, open myself up to more possibilities with life, love, and travel.

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