Why Being Honest with yourself is the Key to Success and Inner Peace
Are you trying to force yourself to be consistent and show up in order to be seen?
This was the question that came up in my mind as I was trying to sit down and write this post….
I thought to myself,
"I have to keep up with my goal of one blog post a week. And I have to make it long and post it by Monday night…. Otherwise, I’m a failure. I’m not consistent. I’m not reliable. I’m not good enough. And no one will see me.”
Yes, these are the thoughts that came into my mind. The self-sabotaging, limiting, and belittling beliefs creep up from time to time when I ask too much of myself, when I’m not honest with myself, or when I act out of fear
I felt the resistance to writing crawling up inside of me. I had this expectation of myself to produce long-form content week after week that just wasn’t sustainable or realistic for me at this moment in my life.
So when these thoughts and feelings came up for me, I had to pause for a moment and ask myself what am I trying to do here?
Beyond writing a blog post, what is the real reason for sitting down and putting out content….
Am I trying to get attention?
Am I trying to prove myself?
Am I trying to find something, be known for something, and be recognized for something?
Instead of writing from my drafted outline, I decided to use this as an opportunity to give myself permission to retreat and listen to my body.
As much as I love writing, I also love being an advocate and example for authentic self-care. So when something I enjoy as a hobby or way to reenergize feels like work, I know I need to back off.
I see this as a common pattern in my life. I get really interested in something and go “all in” for a few months until it loses its luster and I cycle into something else.
For example, last summer I got a gym membership because I was re-inspired to work out. I went to the gym 5-6 days a week, did my solo workouts, and felt great. However, after about 3 months of consistently going, I started to feel resistant to the gym. I noticed myself dreading going instead of being inspired and motivated. So I honored my change of energy and canceled my membership.
In doing this, I created room for the next interest and hobby to the surface. And just as expected, I cycled into skin care and facial massage. I spent the next few months researching, learning, practicing, and teaching people what I was learning about facial care.
Since learning more about my human design and unique energy type, I know this is how I’m supposed to live and experience life. I don’t beat myself up for not “following through” with my own creative outlets. And, I have learned not to get attached to these things. Because with my undefined G/identity center, I am meant to cycle in and out of different identities and interests.
It is correct for me to have multiple hats I wear based on my environment and what I am currently into. Giving myself permission to move from one thing to another lets my energy flow to things that bring me joy, passion, and energy.
Unfortunately, our conditioning from society tells us that you have to be one thing or have a “label” to define you, what you do, and where you belong. And for those with an undefined identity center, this can feel confusing. They don’t know where they belong. They can become preoccupied with earning titles and adding letters behind their name so they can be definable.
However, those with an undefined identity center are here to ebb and flow between roles. They aren’t here to be attached to one thing or another. Rather, they are here to enjoy what is being shown to them. They are here to sample different roles. They are here to try on multiple identities or labels. Even though this goes against societal conditioning, it is correct for those with an undefined identity to be free and open to connecting with a range of personalities, places, and people.
To learn more about your identity center, check out my short audio description.
Because I have an undefined identity center, I have to remember not to put that pressure on myself to be something or someone in the long term.
Instead, I have to allow my natural cycles to happen. Otherwise, I would miss out on enjoying the variety of characters, roles, and identities I’m meant to experience. I would end up feeling bitter, burned out, and frustrated.
So when I felt this resistance towards writing, I had to be honest with myself…. That maybe this cycle of writing is phasing out. Maybe I’m cycling into something new, different, and exciting. Or, maybe I’m just dispersing my energy differently…
I have to consider other areas of my life like my work schedule, social obligations, and the energy I have available to dedicate to my interests. Currently, I am an occupational therapist at the hospital and clinic and using my energy in those settings. After work, I’m spending time studying human design, practicing yoga, swimming, and talking with friends/family.
So, why am I putting so much pressure on myself to be a writer and post consistent content?
So, why am I asking myself to push and produce when I don’t feel inspired or creative?
Is it to seek attention or recognition?
To find a label or identity?
To cater to society’s expectations of consistency and productivity?
Luckily, my human design helps me see beyond these stories, fears, and conditioned beliefs. It helps me become aware of my ever-changing identity, inconsistencies, and wisdom from my experiences.
Instead of forcing myself to create out of pressure, I take a step back and wait for inspiration.
So… as much as I would love to write a full blog post this week and share juicy and exciting content, I have to be real and honest. This is all I have this week.
It's moments like these that make me grateful for knowing my human design. It helps me be patient and not judge myself for not “following through” or “being consistent.” Because I have no motor centered defined and no consistent energy centers below my Anja center, I’m learning to let go of the attachments and pressure from the outside world to be someone, or do something. And to just be me.
With that being said, this is a short and sweet post to remind you of a few things….
Don’t judge yourself for not being inspired/motivated.
Don’t put pressure on your creative process. Rather, take some space to wait for inspiration to create.
Be honest with where you are at, what you can commit to/not commit to, and what you have energy for.
And if you feel uninterested in something, let it go. It’s okay to jump around, experiment, and learn something new.
If you’re curious about your human design and want to dive deeper into your unique energy type, you can use this link to look up your free chart. Human Design is a complex system. So, if you want help interpreting your chart, you can book a free 30 minute call with me to ask questions and hear more about your unique energy type.
And if you want to learn more about dealing with outside pressures and societal conditioning, make sure you read about how an undefined root center amplify stress in your environment.
Not sure about human design? No problem—it’s not the holy grail…. it’s just another intricate system designed to help you understand your body’s energy, mechanics, decision-making process and so much more. I am not an expert but, I have been actively studying and experimenting with it since 2019. It has helped me in so many ways and provided me with validation and clarity on my life path. Human design is a tool and when used properly, it can fix and change your whole perspective and approach to life. I know it did mine…. if you’re curious to learn about your design, tools, tips, and strategies for living an healthy and balanced life make sure you are subscribed to my free Moments & Musings weekly newsletter where I’ll share bit and pieces of it to help you on your wellness journey.
