How to Navigate Feelings of Resistance: Is it Fear or Incorrectness?
This morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed. I leave for my Europe trip in three days.
I have the first three weeks planned and figured out, but after that, I don’t know what I am doing, where I am going, or when I am going.
I know that everything will “work out” fine and slowly fall into place…. yet, I can’t help second-guessing myself and why I am even going….
And when I sit with myself and reflect on my doubts and hesitations, I realize resistance and fear are normal.
These feelings are part of the anticipation of discomfort. They are part of stretching outside my parameters, not knowing exactly how I will respond.
They are familiar feelings.
Every time I try something new, whether a job, location, relationship, or activity, there’s a moment of anticipation. There’s a moment of doubt, uncertainty, and resistance before diving into the experience. My mind chatter sneaks up to deflect me from taking a risk that will push me outside my comfort zone, ultimately to find discoveries or opportunities.
But, I have realized through my years of trying new things, the feelings of resistance are a natural part of the process. It is natural to feel resistance when anticipating change or a new situation. It is natural to second guess-myself when the path ahead is unclear.
Even though I am feeling resistance traveling Europe, I realize it comes from fear- fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and fear of depletion (yes, that is a real fear of mine).
Knowing that my resistance is fear-based allows me to confront them and detach myself from their control over my outlook and experience on my trip.
However, there’s a caveat to resistance that is important to recognize.
Just as we can feel resistance when starting something new, we can feel resistance when something no longer feels correct or aligned…. when we don’t resonate with something anymore.
In this case, resistance does not stem from fear. It stems from incorrectness.
Resistance from incorrectness is when energy is misaligned and no longer available. It is holding on to things that are not healthy for you. And after a while, it does not bring you the joy, peace, success, and experience you need. It is a subtle resistance (or awareness) that something is incorrect and needs to change.
Feeling resistance from incorrectness is also tricky to navigate because, on the one hand, we are meant to work through challenges and discomfort. We are meant to work through our fear-based resistance. But on the other hand, we have to know when enough is enough, when a chapter is over, and when we need to let go.
But, many people get these two feelings of resistance confused.
They confuse fear-based resistance with incorrectness.
They think, “Oh! I feel resistance, this feels hard and overwhelming (AKA* I am afraid of XYZ)… it must not be for me” and give up.
They are resorting to their body’s built-in safety mechanism when it encounters resistance.
These mechanisms can look like:
Giving up on a new experience
Canceling last-minute plans to meet friends, travel, or lead an event
Pulling away and distancing yourself from people, groups, or ideologies
Distracting yourself with work, food, exercise, sex, drinking, etc. to avoid situations
Instead of discerning the cause of resistance, they automatically assume that the resistance they feel is incorrect. They assume that because it feels scary, overwhelming, hard, and confusing, this experience is not for them. When it could be just the opposite. Embracing fears could open up so much more for them.
So, we have to be vigilant when we encounter resistance so that we 1) don’t sabotage ourselves from growing and evolving, 2) don’t waste our time or energy clinging to unavailable energy and 3) allow ourselves to be unapologetically honest with what is and is not working for us.
What has helped me determine the root cause of my resistance to traveling and decide if it is STILL correct for me or not are these thought-provoking questions.
What am I afraid of in this experience?
What are my hesitations?
What can I do to reduce my fears/anticipations around it?
In what ways can I prepare myself to be ready for it?
Writing down my answers and thoughts has helped me realize these feelings are normal and natural. And despite them, I am going to have an amazing, eye-opening experience that I will never regret or forget.
With that being said, you can stay up to date with my travel and life experiences through my social media accounts. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or comments about my work and services. I look forward to connecting with you soon.
mollywillsonholistics@gmail.com
Much love and aloha
Molly
