Embracing Mixed Emotions: How to develop empathy for yourself, my experience
Life has been a rollercoaster these last few weeks… truly a whirl wind of different feelings and thoughts.
Its like one high followed by one low, over and over again, which I am realizing is part of life whether we like it or not. Things sometimes just happen and we have to accept that.
Lately, it feels like a series of emotional events.
First, I had a pretty wicked fall fall on a boat at my cousin’s bachelorette party in Montreal, Canada. I ended up going to the emergency room, getting five stitches in my leg, and paying a large price for my accident. It was an unfortunate and stressful situation, but something I just had to accept and go through it.
After the bachelorette party, I was curious about the dating pool in my area. So I got back on hinge after a 6 month or so hiatus and “randomly” connected with a guy—without any real intentions. To my surprise, he’s quite the catch. It’s been fun and exciting to experience a romantic again—but as enticing as it is, we’ve agreed to keep take things one day at a time and not rush into anything… consider the various things we both have going on in our personal lives.
With that being said, I am anticipating my upcoming departure to Europe. I have decided to take some time this fall to backpack through Europe and go to various places. Traveling abroad is exciting but, it is also overhwhelming. I don’t know exactly how long I am going to be away, nor exactly where I will be going but, it’s something I have wanted to do for over a year now. So, this is an opportunity for me to challenge myself and enjoy the ride of the unknown.
In addition to new traveling adventures, I have decided to revamp my YouTube channel. I have already a few meditations and fun projects on my channel, but for this next chapter, I will be focusing on teaching yoga and mindfulness techniques. With this decisions comes excitement and joy, but also fear.… fear of judgment, failure, and to be honest, fear of commitment. I realize making this decision to put myself out there is a way for me to improve my teaching techniques and my own self confidence—a process that comes with mixed emotions as well.
And of course, I have been feeling upset for my Maui community and friends. The recent wild fires on Maui, a place I called home for a year in 2019, has been heartbreaking to witness. My social media and emails feed has been filled with the reality of the event and tragedy the local community is facing. It has been humbling to see so many selfless people stepping up in these times of disaster, and has given me more of a reason to appreciate my time there and, of course the things I have in my life now. Donations to the victims of the Maui Wild Fires can be made directly to families through this link: DIRECT DONATIONS TO MAUI FIRE VICTIMS.
Hence: Mixed emotions…. Or rather conflicting emotions.
One of my friends also expressed being in this confusing emotional trap with “everything going on.” Life constantly going to give us these scenarios. BUt, it’s up to us as an individual to authentically move through them so that we can let go of unwanted emotions and cultivate a positive outlook on life….
For me, I am happy and excited about what is happening in my life. But I’m also scared and anxious. I’m overwhelmed with my trip, the planning, and navigating foreign countries. I am confused about what I want, or where I want to be. I am worried about failing and starting over. But the truth is, these feelings are inevitable.
I know I can’t get hung up on one things or another. Just like I can’t get stuck in my own wonderland and deny reality. And I can’t get stuck in reality and deny my dreams.
Instead, I need to make room for feeling BOTH (and ALL) experiences that are simultaneously happening. I have to acknowledge my different perspectives and their value to help me move forward.
I have to hold space and be okay with feeling multiple emotions without judging myself. I have to know that it’s okay to be confused…. it’s okay to not know…. it’s okay to take your time…. and it’s okay to feel.
This process has reminded me to have empathy for myself.
Empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s thoughts and feelings of a situation… without judgment, without an agenda, without a solution. But, to simply be there and understand that what someone feels is OKAY.
It’s one thing to have empathy for others. But, it’s another thing to have empathy for yourself. To look at yourself and say, “I understand you’re having these emotions and these thoughts, it is okay and I am here for you…” is not an easy thing to do. At least to me.
We are constantly judging ourselves and filtering our emotions, watering them down so we don’t seem “dramatic, problematic, or over emotional.” Even when we are by ourselves. We try to hid these feelings in order to withstand, be strong, and protect ourselves from feeling…
But the truth is, when you can let down you guard, be honest with yourself and what you are feeling, you’re strengthening that skill of empathy—and you’re able to sit with your emotions instead of pushing them down and away, building an even stronger wall up around yourself from others.
Sitting with your emotions is an advanced self care practice. It takes courage. It takes awareness. And it takes patience.
But being honest with how I am feeling about everything at this point in my life is liberating. Sure, it’s confusing. Sure, it’s overwhelming. But, I know if I don’t acknowledge these things, I’m unable to move forward and make decisions that are true for me.
If I don’t process my emotions, if I don’t hold space for them, I am less likely to hold that space for others. I’m less likely to be vulnerable and truthful in my relationships. Being honest with your feelings can develop empathy for yourselfs, but also for others.
One quote I love is “people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.”
And this is exactly that. I want to feel as much as I can. I want to go as deep as I can, so I can connect with people and have a positive influence in their life.
So, how do we “go deeper” within ourselves? How do we cultivate empathy towards ourselves to embrace our full spectrum of emotions and human experiences?
Here are 4 steps to develop empathy for yourself
Awareness: Developing empathy requires self awareness. This is making space and taking time in your day to reflect and ask yourself questions about your current reality. (Am I happy? Is this the life path I envision? What is important to me?) We must have a sense of awareness to know what we are avoiding, resisting, clinging to, exaggerating, or missing.
Acceptance: Once we have an awareness, we have to accept our reality. We have to accept the truth of our situation. . We have to accept that what we are identified with or habits we have adopted aren’t correct for us. We have to give ourselves the permission to change, and in turn, be okay with letting other people down, potentially hurting and disappointing people. But in order to have empathy for oursevles, we have to accept what needs to change.
Action: Next from acceptance comes action. This step requires energetic and realistic pivots in our day to day life. It is adding in practical ways to moves towards the future and lifestyle you want. In terms of empathy, this may be taking time to journal every morning to get clear on your thoughts and feelings. This may be avoiding doom strolling on social media and instead spending time outside or in reflection. It could be practicing a meditation like this one to listen to your feelings. The actions are completely personal to your experience and may need time to be implemented into your life.
Appreciate: Simultaneously with actions, we need to appreciate what we have in life. With gratitude and appreciation, we notice the beauty in our life and in turn, we become more present to our reality. Having gratitude connects us with our feelings so that we can appreciate the rollercoaster of life and move through our experiences with more ease.
Cultivating empathy for yourself helps you connect with others. Not only am I being real and authentic within, I am being real and authentic with others. So despite the ups and downs I have encountered in the last several weeks, I can process my feelings without judgment and show up as my best self for others.
As I mentioned, I am about to embark on an international backpacking trip in a few weeks. I have mixed emotions with my trip as I face many unknowns and new adventures. First, I will be going to London, England for a week with some friends. Then, I’m off to Iceland for the Mike Posner Wellness retreat (eeekk!!! & it happens to start on my birthday!). After that, my roommate and I are going to Porto, Portugal. And from there, I’ll be solo traveling through Spain to Madrid, Valencia, and Barcelona…. And well, the rest is still up in the air.
I am certain that my adventures with lead me to more clarity about the life I want to live, where I want to live, and who I want to surround myself with for the next chapter of my life. And, I’m looking forward to sharing with you my insights, discoveries, and stories along the way.
Be sure to keep an eye out on my instagram @molly_lama_ and my YouTube channel for more updates.
I am looking forward to connecting with you again soon. And as always, any comments and questions can be sent to me through my contact form, or directly to my social media accounts.
Much love and aloha,
MollyXoxo
